Why I Reinvented Myself- Walking the Walk of Sexual Thriving

After 10 years in business as a self-employed sexologist, I decided to press pause and dedicate 6 whole months to reevaluating and reinventing my entire life. Today I’m thrilled to finally relaunch the 96 improvements, updates, and changes I’ve made to the work that I do and the way that I do it (yes, literally 96!!) So what are some of these changes you can expect from me? 

Some of the changes are obvious

If you’re a long time customer or follower, you probably noticed:

- New logos and a bright new color palette that represent my revitalized excitement for sexuality and all the joy it entails. 
 
- Sexual wellness coaching! This is a big one! After years of clients requesting 1:1 work with me, I decided to say yes to this. Read all about my philosophy and approach to coaching here!

- A self-scheduling calendar that lets you book sex ed classes (and coaching sessions) with me online yourself. You no longer have to email me back and forth to choose a date, time and topic! Hey, 21st century!

- A whole new approach to blogging and social media that is less “a day in the life of a sexologist” and more tools to help you grow sexually like:        
​        - Inspirational and educational short-reads
        - Resources
        - Infographics
        - Listicles
        - Sex in 60 Seconds videos
        - Sex Trivia Tuesday (on Facebook and Instagram)       

Some Changes Are Less Obvious At First Glance But Still Awesome.

- Classes are now charged per person instead of a flat rate.
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- A focus on serving and making a name and community for myself in the San Diego area, retiring national speaking tours.

- An online store with a “Dr. Jill Picks” section, a handy quiz for beginners that helps you choose the best sex toy for your body (coming soon), and individual recommendations from me via email for a personalized and educational shopping experience.

- More free stuff- at classes, in your sex toy shipment, in your mailbox on your birthday!
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- Sex Ed 101 is totally revamped and is now efficiently covers over three dozen sexuality topics for a true “crash course” experience. I love how it’s turned out!

BUT! THE BIGGEST AND MOST IMPORTANT CHANGE IS NOT ABOUT COACHING OR WEBSITES OR LOGOS OR BLOG POSTS.

It’s how I show up to this work and this business not just as a sexologist, but as a human being.
 
It’s about a mission to help you learn to feel good- sexually and emotionally, AND ACTUALLY PRACTICING THAT FOR MYSELF TOO!

It’s having a healthy relationship with this business, and setting the intention to approach my work from a place of personal wellness and thriving.

It’s setting professional boundaries and being self-compassionate.

I spent my entire 20s angry- ranting and writing and arguing about rape, female genital mutilation, misogyny, and sexual degradation on Facebook and online communities and in-person classes for literally HOURS A DAY, for YEARS. I became a public figure around this, and would wake up to an inbox full of news articles and emails about the latest sexual atrocity on the planet.

I opened my heart to giving help and advice to any and every one at any and every time of day. I wanted to, felt obligated to- and was naïve and idealistic enough to believe I could- change the entire world and everyone in it. Even after having a panic attack at the supermarket when my phone buzzed, and I checked it to find a private Instagram message from someone describing a particularly gruesome sexual assault they just experienced in graphic detail, I couldn’t figure out until this relaunch why I was completely burned out, depressed, and in therapy for PTSD.

This relaunch is about practicing self-compassion. It’s learning and accepting that it's not my job to change the entire world, I cannot change the entire world, AND THAT’S OK.

It’s knowing I still have a lot to offer and can still make a big impact by being the change I want to see with the people in my life- my family, my friends, my clients, my followers, knowing that it ripples out. It’s realizing that essentially running an unofficial 24/7 rape crisis hotline by myself out of my house with no funds, no compensation, and no emotional support was not a kind or compassionate thing I did to myself, my mental health, or my business.

I use to feel personally responsible for every mile of the beach, feel distraught when I inevitably couldn't help all the thousands of starfish, all the while cursing the tide for putting them in this position and fighting with the man for getting in my way. Relaunching is about becoming the young woman instead- making a difference on an individual level while letting herself enjoy the sunshine as she does.

It’s about never forgetting that sex can be weaponized and sexuality can be ugly, but remembering that it’s not always. It’s coming to understand that focusing 10% of my work on the ugly and 90% on the pleasure and love and connection and life-affirming aspects of sexuality instead of the other way around is not frivolous. Pleasure and connection are important and valuable.    

This relaunch is about setting firm boundaries. It’s learning to say “no” to things I don’t want to do. That don’t feel good. That don’t serve my new business vision of personal wellness and thriving.

It’s saying no, I will not drive round trip from Pennsylvania to Alabama and put myself up in hotel to teach a sex ed class for $300! (a thing I actually did.)

It’s saying no, I will not write for your site, teach the sexuality unit to your students, or consult with your pharmaceutical company’s marketing team about a new erection drug for free, and learning to not feel guilty about it. It’s saying no, I don’t give individual sex advice via email or social media messages, and learning to resist the need to explain myself.

It’s acknowledging that earning a *just* salary that is commensurate with my advanced education, decade of experience, and high quality of work is not greedy.

It’s meditating every morning. And just letting shit go.

It's finding another amazing, supportive, badass self-employed woman to work with every day because the loneliness of working in isolation in an empty house does NOT make me thrive! And thriving is the #1 most important thing- so I can show up at my best to help you thrive, sexually and emotionally. Thanks for reading.