After 10 years in business as a self-employed sexologist, I decided to press pause and dedicate 6 whole months to reevaluating and reinventing my entire life. Today I’m thrilled to finally relaunch the 96 improvements, updates, and changes I’ve made to the work that I do and the way that I do it (yes, literally 96!!) So what are some of these changes you can expect from me?
Some of the changes are obvious
If you’re a long time customer or follower, you probably noticed:
- New logos and a bright new color palette that represent my revitalized excitement for sexuality and all the joy it entails.
- Sexual wellness coaching! This is a big one! After years of clients requesting 1:1 work with me, I decided to say yes to this. Read all about my philosophy and approach to coaching here!
- A self-scheduling calendar that lets you book sex ed classes (and coaching sessions) with me online yourself. You no longer have to email me back and forth to choose a date, time and topic! Hey, 21st century!
- A whole new approach to blogging and social media that is less “a day in the life of a sexologist” and more tools to help you grow sexually like:
- Inspirational and educational short-reads
- Sex in 60 Seconds videos
- Sex Trivia Tuesday (on Facebook and Instagram)
Some Changes Are Less Obvious At First Glance But Still Awesome.
- Classes are now charged per person instead of a flat rate.
- A focus on serving and making a name and community for myself in the San Diego area, retiring national speaking tours.
- An online store with a “Dr. Jill Picks” section, a handy quiz for beginners that helps you choose the best sex toy for your body (coming soon), and individual recommendations from me via email for a personalized and educational shopping experience.
- More free stuff- at classes, in your sex toy shipment, in your mailbox on your birthday!
- Sex Ed 101 is totally revamped and is now efficiently covers over three dozen sexuality topics for a true “crash course” experience. I love how it’s turned out!
BUT! THE BIGGEST AND MOST IMPORTANT CHANGE IS NOT ABOUT COACHING OR WEBSITES OR LOGOS OR BLOG POSTS.
It’s how I show up to this work and this business not just as a sexologist, but as a human being.
It’s about a mission to help you learn to feel good- sexually and emotionally, AND ACTUALLY PRACTICING THAT FOR MYSELF TOO!
It’s having a healthy relationship with this business, and setting the intention to approach my work from a place of personal wellness and thriving.
It’s setting professional boundaries and being self-compassionate.
I spent my entire 20s angry- ranting and writing and arguing about rape, female genital mutilation, misogyny, and sexual degradation on Facebook and online communities and in-person classes for literally HOURS A DAY, for YEARS. I became a public figure around this, and would wake up to an inbox full of news articles and emails about the latest sexual atrocity on the planet.
I opened my heart to giving help and advice to any and every one at any and every time of day. I wanted to, felt obligated to- and was naïve and idealistic enough to believe I could- change the entire world and everyone in it. Even after having a panic attack at the supermarket when my phone buzzed, and I checked it to find a private Instagram message from someone describing a particularly gruesome sexual assault they just experienced in graphic detail, I couldn’t figure out until this relaunch why I was completely burned out, depressed, and in therapy for PTSD.
This relaunch is about practicing self-compassion. It’s learning and accepting that it's not my job to change the entire world, I cannot change the entire world, AND THAT’S OK.
It’s knowing I still have a lot to offer and can still make a big impact by being the change I want to see with the people in my life- my family, my friends, my clients, my followers, knowing that it ripples out. It’s realizing that essentially running an unofficial 24/7 rape crisis hotline by myself out of my house with no funds, no compensation, and no emotional support was not a kind or compassionate thing I did to myself, my mental health, or my business.
I use to feel personally responsible for every mile of the beach, feel distraught when I inevitably couldn't help all the thousands of starfish, all the while cursing the tide for putting them in this position and fighting with the man for getting in my way. Relaunching is about becoming the young woman instead- making a difference on an individual level while letting herself enjoy the sunshine as she does.
It’s about never forgetting that sex can be weaponized and sexuality can be ugly, but remembering that it’s not always. It’s coming to understand that focusing 10% of my work on the ugly and 90% on the pleasure and love and connection and life-affirming aspects of sexuality instead of the other way around is not frivolous. Pleasure and connection are important and valuable.
This relaunch is about setting firm boundaries. It’s learning to say “no” to things I don’t want to do. That don’t feel good. That don’t serve my new business vision of personal wellness and thriving.
It’s saying no, I will not drive round trip from Pennsylvania to Alabama and put myself up in hotel to teach a sex ed class for $300! (a thing I actually did.)
It’s saying no, I will not write for your site, teach the sexuality unit to your students, or consult with your pharmaceutical company’s marketing team about a new erection drug for free, and learning to not feel guilty about it. It’s saying no, I don’t give individual sex advice via email or social media messages, and learning to resist the need to explain myself.
It’s acknowledging that earning a *just* salary that is commensurate with my advanced education, decade of experience, and high quality of work is not greedy.
It’s meditating every morning. And just letting shit go.
It's finding another amazing, supportive, badass self-employed woman to work with every day because the loneliness of working in isolation in an empty house does NOT make me thrive! And thriving is the #1 most important thing- so I can show up at my best to help you thrive, sexually and emotionally. Thanks for reading.
31 Sexuality Resources You Need to Bookmark
As a sexologist I am often asked if I know of any resources for a variety of sexual health services and information, so I decided to create this handy list of my most commonly shared referrals. Be sure to bookmark this for future reference to help yourself or a friend in need!
Note: Nearly all of these resources are non-profits and rely on donations to continue providing these incredibly valuable services. If you’re able, consider paying it forward and sending them a few bucks!
National Abortion Federation
Professional association of abortion providers with information, resources, and a directory of abortion providers by state.
Information about abortion, live chat feature to ask questions, and a directory of abortion clinics by zip code.
Directory of funds available to help pay for your abortion by state.
Image via Scarleteen
Inclusive, comprehensive, supportive sexuality and relationship info for teens and emerging adults
Sex education for teens, by teens, published by Answer, a national organization that provides and promotes unfettered access to comprehensive sexuality education for young people and the adults who teach them.
I Wanna Know
A site from the American Sexual Health Association, it offers information on sexual health for teens and young adults.
San Francisco Sex Information
Free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex by phone or email answered by volunteer sex educators.
Image via Bedsider
Comprehensive information on birth control methods, a directory of where to get them by zip code, and a reminder app.
Comprehensive information on birth control methods, a quiz on which method is best for you, a directory of Planned Parenthood locations by zip code, and a reminder app.
Clinical Sex Therapists/Psychotherapists
Directory of clinicians, mental health practitioners, and psychologists with training in sexuality and certification by state.
Domestic Violence Survivor Support
Directory of emergency shelters by zip code, 24/7 hotline, and information on how to get an Order of Protection.
Advocates for Youth
Printable lesson plans and materials for elementary to high school aged students on dozens of sexual health topics including decision making, relationships, sexual orientation and gender identity, stereotypes and discrimination, and reproduction.
The Center for Sex Education
Curricula, manuals, and sex educator resources.
Our Whole Lives
Honest, accurate, lifespan sexuality education curricula with step-by-step instruction for program planners and facilitators, with 7 programs speaking to participants’ needs by age (grades K-1, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, young adult, adult, and older adult.)
Image via UCSD LGBT Resource Center
Directory of LGBT Community Centers by zip code (LGBT Community Centers offer services that often include community space, youth drop-in centers, books and resources, counseling, healthcare services, leadership opportunities, and social events).
The Trevor Project
Crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people ages 13-24 via phone, chat, or text.
Legal help desk provides information and resources regarding discrimination related to sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, and HIV status.
A free, 3 full day conference with 250 workshops of all types for anyone who feels like they belong there, anyone who identifies as an ally to the trans community, and anyone looking to respectfully learn more about themselves and others.
Sunshine Behavioral Health - Transgender Addiction Resources
Resources for Transgender individuals seeking substance use treatment.
Research and Data
Research reports, fact sheets, and infographics on sexual and reproductive health.
The Journal of Sex Research
Scholarly peer-reviewed journal devoted to the publication of research articles on diverse topics in contemporary sexual science.
Sex and Disability
Sex and Disability
Information and blogs about sexuality and disability.
Sex Positive Doctors
National Coalitions for Sexual Freedom
Directory of psychotherapeutic, medical, legal and other professionals who have stated that they are “kink aware” and knowledgeable about and sensitive to diverse expressions of sexuality.
I am often asked by folks if I can know of a sex-positive, non-judgey, feminist gynecologist and/or obstetrician in their area. Sadly, such a database does not exist to my knowledge, but someone really should create one! Slut-shaming gynos are the worst!
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
Information on sexual harassment and discrimination in the workplace and how to file a Charge of Discrimination.
U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights
Information on sexual harassment in school and how to file a Title IX complaint.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
Image via Center for Disease Control
Information on infections, treatments, and prevention from the CDC.
STI testing location finder by zip code from the CDC.
Resources for People Living with HIV from the CDC.
Sexual Violence Survivor Support
Directory of Rape and Sexual Assault Crisis Centers by zip code (Rape and Sexual Assault Crisis Centers offer services to survivors and their families that often include free counseling, legal assistance, advocacy and accompaniment to the hospital, police station, and/or court hearings, and 24/7 hotlines).
1 in 6
Live chat help and online support group for male survivors.
Talking to Kids About Sex
List of books to aid in parent to child sexual health conversations (Robie H. Harris’ 3 book series is especially good).
1. One-on-one sexual wellness coaching worldwide via phone.
2. Private sex education classes for adults in San Diego, CA.
3. Sexual health and pleasure products.
4. Sexuality education, information, and insight via blog posts and graphics.
**These sources are provided for informational and educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice and should not be a substitute for a visit or a consultation with a healthcare provider or other appropriate professional.**